DAY #9 (FRIDAY) - HOME SWEET HOME ... ALONE

So today I go home to Minnesota and leave Kathryn in California with a new nickname I chose for her:  "Cali-Kat."  I've "Rambled through the Roadsides," swam in all the pools, and checked out all the cowboys.   My stamp of approval has been put on her living conditions, the town she chose and definitely the weather (76 and sunny ALL the time...really???)

She has already started leaving her footprints in the sands of many of the beaches.

So why on this beautiful day do I feel sad?  Mainly because I go home without her.  Immediately a flashback comes to me of a day 27 years ago on New Years Day when I went home WITH her....one day she's not in my life, the next I'm going home with her.  Those 27 years now seem like 27 seconds.  However, I do feel good about her choices and also feel good about the memories we created  during this stage of our lives.

The road to the airport was uneventful...we allowed enough time not to get stuck in rush hour traffic.
Although the day was sunny and bright, out of nowhere it started raining.  Not a big deal, I thought, but as Kathryn commented, "How weird is this?  It almost never rains in San Diego." 

As I looked out my window I could not  believe what I saw...a beautiful rainbow!   Why so surprised?  Because on a day that was ending a trip that already included so many fantastic surprises around every corner, yet another surprise greets us.  I told Kathryn, "It looks like God is telling you your pot of gold is here!"

 

When we got to the airport, we said our goodbyes quickly as the traffic was building up.  Goodbyes are goodbyes...it has to be done.    Then something odd came over me.  As I looked at Kathryn I saw something I was not expecting to see....a very mature, young lady!  Her face was calm, she looked in control, she looked like she had all the answers....and I realized at that moment that she'd grown to an age where she didn't need me anymore!  She knew what she wanted and she knew where she was going!

 I suddenly  realized THIS trip wasn't about HER and her  "New Beginnings" as I had previously stated when we started the trip. This was not about her reliving HER first day of kindergarten!   This trip turned out to be about ME, about my New Beginnings....about me learning how to start over again in this new life called retirement!!

As I looked back I realized it was SHE who drove most of the way and took control of getting us (me) there safely!  It was SHE who ran back to a bathroom stall when I left my camera there.  It was SHE who noticed that I wasn't drinking enough water in the heat and got me started on Vitamin Water.   It was SHE who pretty much did all of worrying while I sat back as the "Happy Passenger."   She will be fine.  I am the one who will be making major transitions in my life from now on.  I could not believe how I was feeling!

I found myself mumbling "Mom-isms"..."Take care of yourself!  Be careful!  Slow down!  Work smart, not hard."  I couldn't think of anything more to say...it was as if after all these years,  I'd said it all...and she had heard it all.  "I love you lots," I said.   "I love you too, Mom!"  And she was gone.

As I walked into the airport I suddenly felt like I was walking into that big school on my first day of kindergarten!  It was the weirdest feeling!  I didn't know where I was going, I didn't know the people, I felt very alone.  Considering that I've been  a person who has pretty much spent most of her life being single, traveling alone, and living alone, it was an odd feeling for me.  I felt like I was 5 again....I wanted to run back to her, where things were familiar and safe.

After going through security, I bought a sandwich and sat in the seats facing the plane, waiting to board.  I tried eating the sandwich but I was crying  so hard that  the sandwich stuck in my throat, so  I threw it away.  Kathryn called also crying, saying she forgot to thank me for all I'd done, what a great trip it was, she really didn't mind driving.  It was tough.  We continued to cry and talk and then said our goodbyes again.  A tough way to end a tough day of an otherwise fantastic trip.

The trip home was nice and uneventful.  I was met at the airport by my girlfriend Joyce who brought me home and left homemade soup for me!!  She had been babysitting my cat Lily, who seemed like she was still laying in the same place as when I left her, apparently uninterested in the fact that I had been gone for 9 days!

The house echoed as I walked through it.  It felt eerie, quiet.  I looked out the backyard window and the whole yard looked lifeless....Kathryn's playhouse that her dad built for her (it seemed like only yesterday) looked shabby.

 The tree swing that used to hold Kathryn and all the neighborhood girls now hangs lifeless, no movement, even in the wind. 

The chairs that had been used for tents by neighborhood kids, that used to hold post-game soccer pizza parties, that seemed more than enough for relatives and friends, now stand empty.

It had been a long, tough, emotional day.  I ate Joyce's soup and went to bed.